i feel blue.

: (

I know I have wonderful things in my life and wonderful people and just an incredible family who loves and cares for me so much. My job is really great, I enjoy what I do and the people I work with. I know I really have no reason to feel this way but all I want to do is wallow.

I want it to rain.

I want to be moapy.

I want to wear my sweat pants all the time and hide inside never regretting or feeling guilty for wasting my adventurous 20’s or another sunny day doing nothing.

I feel blue.

My little heart got broke. and I want it to be full again. I’m afraid that everything else will just be… unsatisfying. like it has been.

The sad part is really I’m only disappointed in myself. I’m kind of bored with me. Is that possible? to be bored with yourself? I mean you’d think that it would be possible but certainly easily fixable, right? I just don’t know.

I don’t know what I like. I need more hobbies maybe? Things I enjoy? What are they. I feel like I’ve spent my life up until now focusing on school. church. then more school. then food. and now… now I have a degree and a job and I don’t go to church.

This is not the time to write this because summer is coming and it’s probably full of opportunities for fun and excitement. Things I should be excited about. but I’m not. I miss him.

What is this validation I seem to need from others to confirm that my life is actually enjoyable and worth living? how come my own pleasure is not enough?

Validation.

huh.

I wish I wasn’t me for a little while.

I wish somebody needed me.

Advertisements